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My indecision is final

Just finish the damn book already.

There are too many books. The world doesn’t need another one. Nobody reads anyway.

I need coffee.

Another? I thought you were trying to be healthy. What about a green juice?

But I’m writing. I haven’t got time to make juice.

Who are you kidding? You haven’t written a thing for the past two hours.

Well maybe it’s low blood sugar. I should make some eggs.

I thought you said you had no time.

Just biscuits then.

For breakfast? You know if you start now you’ll be on the chocolate bars by lunch time… this will all end in tears.

Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.

God can’t hear you. And if he could, he’d say… Just finish the damn book already.

This is what it sounds like in my head today…

Massive Attack.

Our ancestors may have battled with sabre tooth tigers, but the epic struggle for many of us these days seems to be with ourselves.

F. Scott Fitzgerald once said that the sign of a first rate intelligence was the ability to hold two opposing ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

Sir Ken Robinson on the other hand joked that the world was divided into two types of people – those that divide things into two and those who don’t

In truth, unless we are enlightened beings, we are all in the first category. Everything in our world is separated into Energy or Matter.

Our task as human beings is to turn one into the other; to successfully turn an idea into a thing – whether that thing is a book, a beanstalk or a boyfriend.

We are alchemists… in training.

But we’ve got it the wrong way round.

Instead of Energy to Matter (idea into thing) we try to turn Matter into Energy (we try to turn things into feelings).

For example Happiness is Energy while Toast is Matter.

My head tells me that toast makes me very happy. But happiness is fleeting and pretty soon I need more toast – with extra jam. So I keep going, until I reach an event horizon, where toast starts to make me very, very unhappy.

I don’t need F. Scott Fitzgerald to tell me that this is not the sign of a first rate intelligence.

You can of course forget about toast and substitute things like cars and designer shoes but the principle is the same. The joy we get from things is an illusion. Like a little thrill bump on the road well travelled.

Energy is ephemeral, refuses to be tied down and comes with no after sales support.  It’s a little reminder of our natural state – the one we lose, when we become slaves of the mind.

So now that quantum physics has verified that our thoughts become things, the only question worth asking is…

How well are we managing our creative powers?

Of course we know the theory…

To get a healthy body…

START exercising, and eating real food.

STOP sitting on the couch mainlining Haribo.

To make more money…

START feeling abundant. If we focus on what would add value to others, there’s a good chance they’ll want to pay for that.

STOP believing in scarcity and pointing out how impossible everything is.

To find a soul mate…

START giving love to the world. When we do this, an invisible cosmic light appears above our head. And, like a taxi on a dark, rainy night, our arrival anywhere is greeted with shrieks of delight.

STOP needing love from the world. This strategy leads to lonely walks home in the rain. With no umbrella, dancing shoes or Gene Kelly soundtrack.

So if we know this, what’s the problem?


Consequently, our creation process has to involve ‘things’ so it goes something like this…

To get a healthy body…

Fill out some paperwork and join a gym (no need to worry about actually going to the gym because work will miraculously develop some urgent project we have to be solely responsible for).

To make more money…

Buy a book on wealth creation. In fact buy many books – after all there are only MILLIONS to choose from. (Notice in a subsequent trip to the Charity Shop that none of the spines are even cracked a little bit).

To find a soul mate…

Join an internet dating site. Sift through pages of inane conversation, appalling grammar and lewd suggestions until you are firmly convinced that evolution is in fact going backwards and there is no point pursuing the matter further.

Energy or matter?

If we want to become better manifestors, we need to understand the rules of alchemy… the Mind has to join forces with the Heart.

Mind is all about Matter. Matter likes to accumulate more matter – it’s magnetic.

Heart is about Energy. It creates desire – a limitless energy that makes things happen.

At the moment we have a separation of forces. Because we create with our head, we’re all about accumulating.

The conversation goes something like this…

I just love thinkin’ ‘bout my baby… Maybe I’ll do it some more… Damn. Now I’m in full blown obsession…. THAT’S attractive.

I want to be wealthy…money makes me feel wealthy…I’ll get some more… Damn. Now I’m mesmerized by the numbers in my bank account.

I came back from that retreat feeling amazing… I’ll go again, and again. Damn, now I’ve become a seminar junkie… and (double whammy) my bank account has gone down to single figures.

But there is hope! Scientists have now found that the Heart has its own intelligence. Intelligence that’s far superior to that of the brain – electromagnetically, it is 500 times stronger. There are 40,000 neurons in the heart.

And while the brain is in two hemispheres representing duality, the heart represents unity. It’s the portal to universal consciousness, intuition and deeper knowing.

We need to manifest with the heart as well as the mind. This unity of forces will create a chain reaction of such magnitude that it could transform what it is to be a human being – in our lifetime.

While the mind loves to plan things, the heart loves to experience things. The mind loves strategy. The heart loves joy. The mind loves independence. The heart loves connection.

And that connection links us to the matrix of universal consciousness, intuition and deeper knowing – which makes decisions much, much easier. 

If we tap into that energy, the conversation in our head changes to something more like…

What would you love to write?

A play

Then ditch the book

But I’ve spent ages on it.

Time is an illusion

If I let it go, will something better come along?

Honey, you have no idea!

Hurrah! An end to indecision for ever…



  1. Patty Morales says:

    Hi Eleanor,

    I so enjoyed this, and can resonate with every word :-)!
    I will hold you close knowing that the Love in us together can open to truly “Hearing” what will “Serve” best!!!
    I will always remember your sweet presence and that awesome coat :-)!!!

    Lots of Love, Patty

  2. Holly says:

    love this. love you.

  3. Karen Dannewitz says:

    This is so good.

  4. Audree Tara says:

    Brillently funny and sooo right on!

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